I hope no one was videotaping...

There’s nothing quite like the sight of a stressed out mother, an uncooperative toddler, and an irritating (also uncooperative) dog. All this is made even more hilarious when it involves a minivan in front of the kids’ school with groups of parents looking on.

This was me.

After a playdate this morning, I whisked the boys back home to make some lunch before we had to get Max to school for the afternoon. As always, we ended up rushing to get back out the door to head to school.  We were close to running late. It would have to be a driving day. (the school is one kilometre away so we love to walk but end up driving sometimes)

Anyway, I’m starting to get a little agitated as I attempt to put shoes and coats on two very stubborn and silly boys. Suddenly, the phone rings and it’s our neighbour. Apparently, the dog is running around in front of the houses and on the street. WTF?  Did she suddenly learn to open the gate herself while I wasn’t looking? Damned intelligent border collies…

Off I go out the front door to get the dog. I should mention that “getting” this dog is darned near impossible. She constantly pulls the “oh, are you calling me? Here I come…oops! Kidding!” manoeuvre where she makes me believe she’s coming but then veers off in another direction. I swear she’s laughing.

I finally manage to trick her into following me back into the house, only to discover that both boys have removed their coats and shoes and run off into different directions in the house.

Nice.

I’ll skip over the moments that followed and suffice to say I wrangled them into their clothes and headed into the garage for van loading. The dog followed.  By this point, we were pretty much late so I allowed the dog (for some reason that I will shortly regret very much) to ride along with us in the van. I guess I thought she’d get a kick out of the ride to school with us.

Once at school, getting the boys out of the van without Martha bowling us over to escape was a real challenge. But, I managed. She then whined and howled in the van as we took five minutes to get Max into school and back to the van with Finn.

Here’s where things became fodder for Youtube.

Not sure how I figured I could get Finnegan into his carseat and strap him in (all while he’s wriggling to get out of my arms and out of his seat) whilst holding back a freakishly excited 6 month old border collie. Over what seemed like an infinity, I caught Martha actually getting past my body/legs about seven times and dragged her back into the van.  All that while holding Finn in place with the other hand as he kicked at me and cried.  I would force the dog into the centre between the seats and instruct her to sit and be still.

This is much like putting a glass of water in front of a deathly dehydrated person in the desert and telling them not to drink it.  Not going to happen.

Between “Finn, sit down in the seat now!” and “Martha, get back in and sit!” and “Finnegan, stop kicking me and just put your bum in the seat!” and “Martha! Are you dumb? Sit still! Right there!” and…yeah, you get the picture.  It was ugly. 

At one point, Martha decided that the best escape route was to launch herself over Finnegan entirely, which knocked him clear out of the van and onto the curb.  This resulted in the ‘I'm actually hurt’ cry as opposed to the ‘don’t touch me’ cry and ‘I don’t want to sit’ cry/whine, which I had been listening to up until that time. Now I had a wailing toddler on the curb and a strong, persistent mutt out of the van.  I managed to grab her by the scruff of the neck and she whined loudly and flailed about. 

I am clearly the model of saintly parenting and pet ownership.  Absolutely.  Get me the flippin' dog whisperer, pronto!

Finally, I grabbed Finnegan with one hand and hoisted him up into the chair, opened the front passenger door and grabbed the leash on the front seat and launched Martha into the front seat where I attached the leash and then tied her to the arm of the seat. (Why didn’t I think of this sooner? Because I’m a glutton for punishment, clearly.)

At this moment, a concerned father comes over and asks if I need help.

Yeah, bud. Thanks for playing. I could have used help about 8 minutes sooner. But here, take this dog off my hands and I’ll overlook it.

And, what I really said was “No, I’m okay, thanks. But this is the last car ride for this dog! Ha ha ha.” I’m sure he could tell I was at the very end of my very short rope. I think my voice waivered ever so slightly with the realization that many parents were standing in awe of the scene taking place in and around my van.

In the end, we got home and I let Finnegan out and into the house before I came back out to get the dog. She was sitting looking out at me with tail wagging and happy as a freaking lark.  Ugh!

“Do you not understand what a very bad dog you just were?” I asked, like I was expecting her to suddenly cower in shame. Instead, she leapt from the van and followed Finn into the house where they wrestled on the floor and he giggled and snorted away.

Why. Why do the kids have to love this dog so much that I have to keep her.  The things I do for my kids.  Sigh.  A cat would be so much easier...

PS: this is not Finn, but rather Max in the photo.  It's the only recent shot I have in the van with the dog. 

What do a cow and a Tootsie Roll have in common?

I was packing up to go grocery shopping this evening just before dinner (with two boys in tow…don’t even get me started on that insanity). I asked if anyone wanted anything specific and Suvi chimed in:

“Remember, Mom, I told you I wanted to make you a list of things that I’d like in my lunches so that I’ll actually eat what you put in there!”

“Oh, yes. Why don’t you write a few things down and I’ll have a look at them.”

“I promise, whatever is on this list, I will eat. Promise."

We’ve been having a bit of trouble lately with these boomerang lunches. Everything comes home: garbage, leftovers, uneaten foods…it all comes back.  This is great for us to actually see what’s getting eaten. Or rather, what’s not getting eaten.  And Suvi has always been my super eater.  She'd eat anything.  She'd actually ask for vegetables regularly and decline chocolate because "it's not healthy."  Yeah.  Mental, I know.

In any event, I waited a few moments as she scribbled away and then I took her paper and ran out the door with the boys. We were rushing as it was 5pm and I needed to be back by 6pm to actually make some dinner.

After getting the boys into the cart at the grocery store, and bracing myself for the madness I was in for, I pulled out my own list and then remembered I needed to look at Suvi’s list, too. Here’s what it read, verbatim:

- beef (like sandwiches)

- candy. Lots of. Yes.

That was it.  Beef and candy.  I'm not sure what to make of that but I'm sure it's not good.

Still thinking about H1N1?

This fall, we've taken the flu more seriously than in the past.  We do not normally get the flu shot but this year, with the H1N1 virus circulating and having a household with small children, we opted (upon the recommendation of our family doctor) to get the H1N1 vaccines.  All five of us.  This took place a few weeks back - you can read about our hilarious needle episodes here, if you missed it.

We do need to go back shortly, for Finnegan to get his booster.  He's the lucky one: the only one of the three that gets a second shot.  Good thing it's him (if you read the other post, you'll understand why.).

It wasn't an easy or clear-cut decision for us to get the shots.  I know the same probably applies to many of you.  One thing that drove me crazy was the information available.  At times it was sparse, at times it felt like it conflicted.  Opinions ran all over the map.  It was tough to feel confident about making a decision one way or another.

If any of you are still trying to figure out a) if you or someone you know has the actual H1N1 virus (and what do to about it), or b) whether you should get the shot and where to find details about that, I've got a few links here to share with you.   These are trusted and current links from the Government of Ontario and, in some cases are Ontario-specific, but there is definitely some helpful info for everyone who is interested in this issue.

First of all, are you in Ontario and need to know where to get your shot? 
Visit http://www.health.gov.on.ca/en/ccom/flu/h1n1/public/clinics.aspx

Do you wonder if your child has the flu?  There's a helpful assessment tool here:
http://www.health.gov.on.ca/en/ccom/flu/h1n1/public/tools/assessment/default.aspx

Other useful info about the flu can also be found in the main page:
http://www.health.gov.on.ca/en/ccom/flu/

Is your child sick?  Here are some things to keep in mind (courtesy of the Ontario Ministry of Health website):

1. Treat your child’s fever


• Take off heavy clothing and blankets.

• Dress the child in lightweight clothing and keep the room temperature at 20°C (68°F).

• Give acetaminophen or ibuprofen for fever and muscle pain in the dose recommended on the package (unless your doctor says otherwise).

Note : Do NOT give acetylsalicylic acid (ASA or Aspirin®), or any cold medicine that has ASA, to children or teenagers under the age of 18.

2. Treat your child’s other flu symptoms

• Encourage your child to get plenty of rest.

• Use salt-water nose drops to treat a stuffy nose.

• Ask your pharmacist about any over-the-counter medicines for cough.

3. Protect others from flu

• Keep your child at home until his/her fever has been absent for at least 24 hours and he or she is feeling well enough to resume normal activities. It’s important for your child to stay home if there’s fever so that the virus doesn’t spread to other children.

• Your child can return to school 24 hours after the fever has resolved and he/she is feeling well enough to get back to normal activities.

When should you seek medical care for your child?

Use Ontario’s influenza assessment tool (see link earlier in post) or click here

Call Telehealth Ontario at 1-866-797-0000 (if you live in Ontario) or your health care provider if your child is under age 5 and develops flu symptoms. The risk of complications from flu is higher for children under age 2.

I'm participating in the Mom Central Moms Fight the Flu blog tour.  Let's all do our best to keep our children and ourselves healthy.

A digital breakdown mom bloggers will understand

I'm suffering.  I'm going through a digital meltdown.  I'm nearing the end of the road and can't see anything past the big, long drop off the edge of the cliff.  What's below looks painful and uninspiring and inefficient.  What I'm in right now is knee-deep mud without any boots on.

Alright, what the heck am I rambling about? 

Well, it's like this.  I've already mentioned that my 17" Dell Inspiron 9300, which I've had for about four years, is dying.  It's imploding into a heap of painfully slow operation and random crashes and will find itself embedded in the office wall after a 65 mph toss across the room by yours truly.  I'm desperate for a new computer.  A Mac, if I had the choice. 

What else?  My digital camera is suffering paralysis.   Last night, with friends over, Suvi was working the room with the camera taking mounds of (headless and bum-filled) photos when suddenly the thing got stuck halfway open (or closed, depending on if you're a glass-half-full or glass-half-empty kind of person).   The lens...(is that what that whole mechanism is actually called?) is stuck in the halfway position.  It keeps making a grinding noise for a little bit if you press the start up button, but then can't open or close fully. 

So, two of the most critical pieces of technology I have in my life (and use on a daily basis) are on their death beds.

I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it through!  No efficiently functioning computer and no camera... Does anyone know a good therapist?  I may end up resorting to {gasp} handwriting in my journal and {gasp again} hand sketching pictures of my kids.  Oh, the humanity! 

Alright, drop the drama already, I get it.  But, I'm sure you can all agree that certain pieces of technology have really become major parts of our lives, especially as bloggers.  Heck, moreso as mom bloggers, I think, where we use photos A LOT in our blogs.  It's difficult to imagine life without these tools.  I wonder if Santa's elves could whip me up a new Mac and a nice little digital?  That's probably pushing it.  As it stands, I think I'm getting a new ensuite bathroom and that might be all Daddy Crumb can handle.

Wishy Washy Weeeeeeee

Question:

Do you do all of your laundry on one hateful day?  Or do you have continual laundry cycling through the house all week long?    Which is more efficient?

Scientific analysis here.  Need your input, as you are experts.